Its been a few days since I've complained about Xmas.
I had a bit of a break down a few days ago. I realized that through all of my kermudgeonry, I wasn't doing anyone a favor, myself included.
I started to panic a couple of days ago and feared that I was being a bratty, inconsiderate, selfish person for hating Xmas and exuding my negative hate feelings toward Xmas all over the place. And for a moment, I really thought myself the worst person alive.
You know you're being a dick about Xmas when you walk into a room and someone you haven't seen in a while takes a quick look at you and goes 'bahhhhhumbug."
And I realize this is the message I send to people, so I don't know why I'm surprised.
I truly want people to believe I think highly of Xmas. For the past week I haven't been able to keep myself from wishing others a Merry Xmas or Happy Holidays, every freaking cashier I go to, I wish them a happy holidays before giving the chance to wish me one. I sent out Xmas cards, come on!
So I'm going to stop, stop being overly fresh and negative over Xmas, and I decided this a couple of days ago, so don't think I'm too far behind the game. I'm going to enjoy these next couple of days...some how...some way.
One of my most favorite lines of Xmas that I've heard in the past few days was a line said by Jane Lynch from Glee, in a scene in which she plays the Xmas villain, she claims, in her devilish tone, "I may hate Xmas, but I love presents..." as she steals the presents from what ever disenfranchised group she's battling and exits scene....
I'm not going to pretend that I watch Glee, I didn't actually see this show, but I heard the clip on some other TV show, and it just cracked me up. Thats the villain version of me! Because for as much as I've hated Xmas, I love gifts, I do! I'm the Xmas asshole!
And I LOVED exchanging gifts with my BF and her mom last night. I've been very strict about only giving out handmade things this year, and so far, so good, everyone seems happy with what they've got so lets see how the rest of Xmas goes. And otherwise, I've gotten some great things in return, no doubt!
So whatever, giving getting blah blah blah...
...who even cares. This has been a very hard Xmas for me. I'm jobless, I'm a bit hopeless, I'm absolutely freaking out, and for the first time ever in my entire life, I'm not going to be waking up at my parents house on the morning of Xmas. I'm entering whole new territory here. I'm not coming down the stairs. I'm not going to bed early in anxious anticipation for the day to come. I'm not drinking mamosa's and eating pillsbury crescent roles with my family(its tradition). And I'm not going with them to the movies tomorrow either. Its the one thing we've always done and really enjoyed together ('enjoyed' can be substituted for 'tolerated' and 'endured' here, but for the past few years we've done okay). Tonight, although very fun in its own way, was nothing like any other Xmas eve I've ever had. I'm having a hard time accepting its Xmas, to be honest.
But I know its Xmas, come on. I've done so many Xmasy things over the past couple days its absurd. I've been busy in fact, with Xmasy things. Xmas partys, Xmas cards, Xmas ornament crafting, decorating Xmas trees, making Xmas cupcakes, wrapping Xmas presents, making Xmas presents, making my Xmas casserole, opening Xmas cards, writing on my Xmas blog. I've never done more Xmas shit in my life! Xmas. Xmas. Xmas. Its every where I look.
So here it is.
Merry Xmas, you.
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