Another day, another anxiety attack
The idea of keeping this blog is kind of terrifying. I'm a big Mike Birbiglia fan, so I'm going to think of this blog as my secret public journal.
Yesterday was a dark day. I didn't leave the house once. Fortunately my boyfriend was home…or unfortunately depending on how you choose to look at it. While it was nice to have him there to hug me and tell me its going to all be okay, it was quite embarrassing to have him see first hand just how desperate I am when I'm home alone all day. Being unemployed is not all its cracked up to be. Some days I get a lot done…besides obviously scouring the internet for a job and or job ideas…I might go to a spin class, paint for up to 10 hours, email various possible employers, listen to hours of podcasts (I really try to avoid sitting in front of the TV during the day), make some soup, grocery shopping, you know, just do a few things to give me some kind of a semblance of a day, where I have a real life and things need to get done. Yesterday was not that kind of day. I even got back into bed at one point, mid day! I never do that.
But today, I knew today would be different. I can't just sit around feeling sorry for myself, and I really don't think I do. Other than being jobless, I have a great life and lots of support. Many people have it much worse than me, and I know that. But I really do miss feeling important and necessary. At my last job, even though I was working in multi million dollar homes and barely made enough to eat lunch most days, I still felt good about what I was doing. I was using my hands, wielding a paint brush, I had a feeling of authority! I knew what I was doing. I had direction. I was using my skills. The background of this blog is there to remind me that I once did do something that I loved, maybe I can get back to that place again.
Anyway, I made vegan chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter frosting today for my friend Jon's birthday. I'll put up a picture later. I'll leave you with this little painting I finished on Monday. It's called 'You only have one mouth'
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