When I began this I was certain that unemployment would run up in conjunction with Xmas. While I'm relieved to have been allotted an extension on my miserable unemployed existence, I also really thought that by now, maybe I'd be reporting that I have a job.
The thing about this whole unemployment thing is not so much about money as it just is about a feeling of usefulness. Spoons are more useful than I am. Spoons have a purpose. I wish I was a spoon.
I change my mind on my plans for the future at least three times a day. I no longer announce my big ideas to people, because I know it will just change in a day or so anyway, if not even sooner.
And its really, really hard to give a shit about Xmas when I feel this way. For the past few years I've been harboring this ill will toward Xmas. And I've put on the mean face, I've sworn it off, to hell with it! But you know what? I'd still be in the thick of it with everyone else in December, at least as a consumer, and come the big day, I'd be into it. I did a first for myself this year which was to send out Xmas cards, but they're so anti Xmas that I almost feel bad for having sent them(but actually, I think they're adorable and if you can't appreciate a little bit of holiday sarcasm than we probably shouldn't be friends). So I hope people can handle the sentiment. I'm just having a hard time getting into the spirit. And I've never noticed as much as I have this year that other people REALLY like Xmas. Everyone really likes Xmas. I'm just the black sheep of Xmas I guess.
I am, however, very excited for the cluster of holiday parties I have coming up in the next two days. One of which features some of my life time buds, my girls, and there is nothing more cathartic for me than to see them and be with them, even if only in short bursts a handful of times a year. I like weekends, they treat me well. When all else fails, at least I have my people. Its the thing about the holidays that I will surrender to loving, it brings us all together.
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